Review - Abigail

 Abigail (2024)

Director: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett

Writer: Stephen Shields, Guy Busick

Stars: Melissa Barrera, Dan Stevens, Alisha Weir, William Catlett, Kathryn Newton, Kevin Durand, Angus Cloud (RIP)

How to Watch: PVOD

Synopsis: A group of criminals kidnap the daughter of a powerful underworld figure, they retreat to an isolated mansion, unaware that they're locked inside with no normal little girl.

Thoughts: There’s a certain quality in Radio Silence director duo Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett’s films these days. They pop, like bubblegum, bright and juicy with a hint of something nostalgic. Everything is horror-beautiful - the cast, the outfits, the set design - it’s all grungy but gorgeous, gothic but fresh. Perhaps it’s because they tend to keep bringing back their creative teams as well as their scream queens - Melissa Barrera and Samara Weaving - in all their recent movies, or maybe it’s because their movies end in absolute bloodbaths, but everything they do recently feels like somehow it’s in the same universe. 

All of this to say, Abigail was an absolute delight. It had the mansion cat & mouse game and the exploding bodies of Ready or Not. It had the dry humor and surprising twists and bloodsoaked brutal violence of the two recent Scream movies. But it was also solidly its very own creation. I mean, you had me at ‘ballerina vampire’. 

And I am loving Kathryn Newton recently. I haven’t always loved her work but with Lisa Frankenstein, and now Abigail, she’s proving to be quite the talented comedic horror star. Her Miley Cyrus meets M3GAN dance as she’s being puppeteered by Abigail is a thing of grotesque beauty. But the whole cast was phenomenal, everyone playing their role with a wink and a smile and a bloodcurdling scream.  Alisha Weir’s child vampire who is “several centuries” old switches effortlessly between childhood innocence, sly predator, and wise monster. Kevin Durand as ‘the muscle’ - the lovable doofus with his bizarre deep accent that at one point sounded like he was doing his best Ludo from Labyrinth impression. And Dan Stevens channeling a Brooklyn Jack Torrance. This is exactly the kind of summer blockbuster horror movie I want to see, and unsurprisingly it has proven itself to be a favorite of the year so far.

5 out of 5 💀s

Review - Infested

 Infested (2024)

Director: Sébastien Vanicek
Writer: Florent Bernard, Sébastien Vanicek
Stars: Théo Christine, Sofia Lesaffre, Jérôme Niel, and Spiders
How to Watch: Shudder

Synopsis: Residents of a rundown French apartment building battle against an army of deadly, rapidly reproducing spiders.

Thoughts: Holy shit was this movie fun! A deadly spider gets loose and (for some really great, believable reason, I’m sure) starts getting bigger and bigger. In the course of a night a group of friends are fighting for their lives as they try to escape their shitty apartment building that they’re being “quarantined” inside.  Think Quarantine meets Attack the Block with lots and lots of spiders. Everything about this movie was super solid - characters, actors, dialogue, setting, and even the CGI spiders. So turn out the lights and watch this creepy little creature feature in the dark. 

4 out of 5 💀s

Review - Something In The Water

 Something In The Water (2024)

Director: Hayley Easton Street
Writer: Cat Clarke
Stars: Hiftu Quasem, Lauren Lyle, Natalie Mitson
How to Watch: VOD

Synopsis: A group of five girlfriends must fight for their lives in open water after a dream wedding transforms into a nightmare.

Thoughts: I don’t ask for much in a shark movie. Literally a shark, the water, and some stranded folks are a good start. But there’s got to be a pinch more. A good script. A cool location. Some crazy action. An interesting spin. Something that sets this one shark movie apart from the 50,000 other shark movies out there. Bait took place in a supermarket. The Shallows had a kick-ass heroine. The Requin had Alicia Silverstone (inexplicably). Deep Blue Sea had Science! Memorable. Something In The Water has… water. And a shark, I think. And someone gets bit. And some people die. And some people get rescued. What was this movie called again? Snoozefest? I’m really not clear on the vision here. The movie starts with a hate crime in the city. Not even kidding. A year later we’re on an island (?) and a “dream wedding” brings old friends together. Enter: the Shark. Exit: the Old Friends. The End. If you want to get a jump start on your shark horror this summer, skip this one and try No Way Up - a plane full of people crash in the ocean and somehow survive. And then there’s sharks. It’s pretty fun.  

2 out of 5 💀s