About half of the horror movies I end up watching are just movies that I spot in Google TVs' recently released list. I see something that looks like a new horror movie, I watch a trailer, and if it doesn’t look godawful, I add it to my queue. Most of the time I’ve never even heard about it. Some of the time I’ll stumble across community buzz soon thereafter. This blindly hunting method is how I end up watching so many random movies no one has heard about. And while I also operate off of a very thorough list from Upcoming Horror Movies (an invaluable website), I’m also rather fond of the inelegance of my poking around in the dark for crap to watch.
One such movie is Alone at Night. Starring Pretty Little Liars Ashley Benson as a cute cam girl who borrows a friend’s cabin for some r&r, and to focus on her cam work, after breaking up with her shitty boyfriend. The cabin is secluded and keeps losing power. Enter the hot handyman guy. The cabin is secluded and belongs to her friend, enter the friend’s hot cousin guy. The cabin is secluded and the neighbor is bored, enter the hot neighbor guy. Despite being called “Alone at Night”, cute cam girl Vicky is never actually alone at night. She parties with all these hot guys throughout her week-long stay. Lusts after one, tries to kiss one, sleeps with one, all the while there’s a Crowbar Killer on the loose so says Sheriff Rogers PAMELA ANDERSON (WTF). Meanwhile, when our cute cam girl Vicky isn’t casually rolling around on her bed in bondage, or masturbating in a bubble bath for her clients, she’s watching Trap Stars - a reality show hosted by PARIS HILTON (WTF) about a group of beautiful youths quarantining together in a mansion. All the while we might think that maybe her weird client “daddy” who never shows his face might be maybe like, one of these hot guys? Or maybe might one of these hot guys be the crowbar killer? So many red herrings! Which hot guy can we trust?
As far as the "slasher" that this movie seems to promise it being, it fails miserably. Very little slashing actually happens. But, there is a killer and cute cam girl’s life is in peril and a struggle does ensue. It plays out like more of a thriller than a horror movie, especially since, while the body count is quite high, all of the kills happen off screen. Major lameness.
There’s a fun little twist at the very end that’s silly but that I’m quite fond of, and then it ends with a rap music video so… very sophisticated.
PARIS HILTON!
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