Tusk (2014)

Genre:  Creature Feature
Director:  Kevin Smith
Country:  USA
Availability: In Theaters

First, let me start off by saying - Tusk? What the fuck? What kind of crackpot stoner idea did I just watch? Now, to be clear, I'm not bemoaning the ridiculousness of a story that revolves around turning a man into a walrus. I mean, yes, I am. It's really fucking stupid. But hey, I've seen over 900 horror movies in my lifetime and I've witnessed and enjoyed far more idiotic ideas than this. I guess it was the execution that left me wondering if I'd just been insulted. It was like inviting someone into your home and having them make fun of your lifestyle in such a backhanded way that it left you standing there scratching your head.

Now, I'm not for or against Kevin Smith as a writer/director. I never saw Clerks, I really liked Mallrats, Chasing Amy was just okay, Dogma was pretty stupid, and anything after the '90s went completely ignored. Until Red State. I certainly didn't love Red State but it was a solid, good movie.  After all, how can you go wrong with Michael Parks, Melissa Leo, and John Goodman at the helm? And religious zealots running around with firearms? Yeah, that's terrifying right there. So what the hell was Kevin Smith smoking when he decided to do Tusk? Was it a dare? Did he lose a bet? Or did he simply want to show the world that you could make a horror movie about anything at all, and people would fill the seats.

And to even call Tusk a horror movie is to simply conform to the idea that creating a semi-serious movie about a man being turned into a walrus is in and of itself, horrific. But the sad fact is, Tusk isn't a scary movie nor is it a horrific one. It fails in all aspects of horror save for its conception.

That being said, I did enjoy Tusk. Mostly because it was a funny movie but also because Justin Long, Michael Parks, and Johnny Depp did good work under the circumstances [of being in a stupid fucking movie]. So yeah, I'll watch a dumb-ass movie like Blood Lake or a disgusting movie like Human Centipede and love every minute of it. Because even when a horror movie is stupid, you can tell, like getting kissed by someone who loves you, that they mean it. But Tusk? That shit was soulless.

2 out of 5 stars