Review - Abigail

 Abigail (2024)

Director: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett

Writer: Stephen Shields, Guy Busick

Stars: Melissa Barrera, Dan Stevens, Alisha Weir, William Catlett, Kathryn Newton, Kevin Durand, Angus Cloud (RIP)

How to Watch: PVOD

Synopsis: A group of criminals kidnap the daughter of a powerful underworld figure, they retreat to an isolated mansion, unaware that they're locked inside with no normal little girl.

Thoughts: There’s a certain quality in Radio Silence director duo Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett’s films these days. They pop, like bubblegum, bright and juicy with a hint of something nostalgic. Everything is horror-beautiful - the cast, the outfits, the set design - it’s all grungy but gorgeous, gothic but fresh. Perhaps it’s because they tend to keep bringing back their creative teams as well as their scream queens - Melissa Barrera and Samara Weaving - in all their recent movies, or maybe it’s because their movies end in absolute bloodbaths, but everything they do recently feels like somehow it’s in the same universe. 

All of this to say, Abigail was an absolute delight. It had the mansion cat & mouse game and the exploding bodies of Ready or Not. It had the dry humor and surprising twists and bloodsoaked brutal violence of the two recent Scream movies. But it was also solidly its very own creation. I mean, you had me at ‘ballerina vampire’. 

And I am loving Kathryn Newton recently. I haven’t always loved her work but with Lisa Frankenstein, and now Abigail, she’s proving to be quite the talented comedic horror star. Her Miley Cyrus meets M3GAN dance as she’s being puppeteered by Abigail is a thing of grotesque beauty. But the whole cast was phenomenal, everyone playing their role with a wink and a smile and a bloodcurdling scream.  Alisha Weir’s child vampire who is “several centuries” old switches effortlessly between childhood innocence, sly predator, and wise monster. Kevin Durand as ‘the muscle’ - the lovable doofus with his bizarre deep accent that at one point sounded like he was doing his best Ludo from Labyrinth impression. And Dan Stevens channeling a Brooklyn Jack Torrance. This is exactly the kind of summer blockbuster horror movie I want to see, and unsurprisingly it has proven itself to be a favorite of the year so far.

5 out of 5 💀s

Review - Infested

 Infested (2024)

Director: Sébastien Vanicek
Writer: Florent Bernard, Sébastien Vanicek
Stars: Théo Christine, Sofia Lesaffre, Jérôme Niel, and Spiders
How to Watch: Shudder

Synopsis: Residents of a rundown French apartment building battle against an army of deadly, rapidly reproducing spiders.

Thoughts: Holy shit was this movie fun! A deadly spider gets loose and (for some really great, believable reason, I’m sure) starts getting bigger and bigger. In the course of a night a group of friends are fighting for their lives as they try to escape their shitty apartment building that they’re being “quarantined” inside.  Think Quarantine meets Attack the Block with lots and lots of spiders. Everything about this movie was super solid - characters, actors, dialogue, setting, and even the CGI spiders. So turn out the lights and watch this creepy little creature feature in the dark. 

4 out of 5 💀s

Review - Something In The Water

 Something In The Water (2024)

Director: Hayley Easton Street
Writer: Cat Clarke
Stars: Hiftu Quasem, Lauren Lyle, Natalie Mitson
How to Watch: VOD

Synopsis: A group of five girlfriends must fight for their lives in open water after a dream wedding transforms into a nightmare.

Thoughts: I don’t ask for much in a shark movie. Literally a shark, the water, and some stranded folks are a good start. But there’s got to be a pinch more. A good script. A cool location. Some crazy action. An interesting spin. Something that sets this one shark movie apart from the 50,000 other shark movies out there. Bait took place in a supermarket. The Shallows had a kick-ass heroine. The Requin had Alicia Silverstone (inexplicably). Deep Blue Sea had Science! Memorable. Something In The Water has… water. And a shark, I think. And someone gets bit. And some people die. And some people get rescued. What was this movie called again? Snoozefest? I’m really not clear on the vision here. The movie starts with a hate crime in the city. Not even kidding. A year later we’re on an island (?) and a “dream wedding” brings old friends together. Enter: the Shark. Exit: the Old Friends. The End. If you want to get a jump start on your shark horror this summer, skip this one and try No Way Up - a plane full of people crash in the ocean and somehow survive. And then there’s sharks. It’s pretty fun.  

2 out of 5 💀s

Review - Snow Valley

 Snow Valley (2024)

Director: Brandon Murphy

Writer: Brandon Murphy

Stars: Rachel Michiko Whitney, Cooper van Grootel, Tom Williamson, Barbara Crampton

How to Watch: VOD

Synopsis: A newly-engaged couple's ski weekend goes horribly awry when an unexpected guest arrives and the house's dark supernatural forces begin to rise.

Thoughts: A sprawling ski chalet, an impending snowpocalypse, friends with secrets, hidden underground tunnels, and Barbara Crampton wielding a pickaxe? How can you fuck this one up? Oh, but let me count the ways. 

The first way is to cast two actors with absolutely no on-screen chemistry to play a couple who are so “happy” and “in love.” And just to prove how happy and in love they are, the first twenty minutes are, BABE, all about how, BABE, amazing one another is and, BABE, how love is so awesome. Then the friends show up. Thank god. And things go from capital B-boring to lowercase b-boring. Blah Blah, we’re Fun Friends (but we have relationship problems). And then Ed shows up. Ed, played by the delightfully unhinged Tom Williamson, is finally something solidly entertaining to feast our eyes upon. For about twenty minutes it almost feels like a one-man show. And I was here for it. Show me your crazy, you beautiful sonofabitch! But things start going off the rails, quick, and the tone drastically changes. There’s a very bizarre scene involving chakras that, while entertaining, did not fit the vibe of the movie at all. And then all hell eventually breaks loose, and the weird morphs into some serious WTF moments, with a telepathic kid and helpful ghosts and, oh - THERE’s Barbara Crampton wielding a pickaxe! I know Barbara often just shows up to do a small role but being in this movie honestly feels like she’s doing someone a favor. 

This is one hot mess of a movie. But, if you’re hellbent on watching it anyways, please watch it with friends so it can be properly heckled. My cat just didn’t get my jokes. 

After I wrote this review I met Barbara Crampton at Crypticon. I told her that I watch all of her movies. She raised an eyebrow and said, "All of them?" And I said, yes. I even watched Snow Valley. And she rolled her eyes and said, "That movie was terrible!" She went on to say that she had a large backstory that was cut out of the movie, so she's just left  inexplicably showing up with a pickaxe and chasing people. Which is accurate. But also, who cuts out Barbara Crampton scenes from their movie? Anyways. She was lovely and gorgeous and petite! 

2 out of 5 💀s

Review - Slay

 Slay (2024)

Director: Jem Garrard
Writer: Jem Garrard
Stars: Ryan Taylor, Heidi N Closet, Crystal Methyd, Cara Melle
How to Watch: Tubi

Synopsis: After a booking mistake, four drag queens perform for a mostly unwelcoming crowd, but when vampires attack, the crowd looks to the queens to save the day.

Thoughts: Drag queens + a road trip + a shithole bar in the middle of nowhere + vampires = Priscilla Queen of the Desert meets From Dusk Till Dawn. (obviously). I mean, it’s the movie we didn’t know we needed. The drag queens shine, of course, but in my opinion, the two actors that stole the show are Robyn Scott who plays Shiela, a raggedly-aged Betty Boop-ish barfly who is tired of the shenanigans of men and just wants to eat her chicken wings and drink in peace. Oh, and she’s secretly the funniest one there. And then there’s Neil Sandilands who plays Dusty the sympathetic bartender. His low, gruff voice and even temperament are hiding a beautiful secret that is one of the highlights of the ending. My only real complaint is there’s too many sentimental scenes (I mean, there’s a lot, a lot), and not enough drag show. And the cgi blood. Yikes. Practical effects could have gone a long way here, especially considering how much camp and makeup and costumes were already being generously used. Despite these small gripes, Slay has a lot to offer, one of which is a helluva good time.

3 out of 5 💀s

Review - Dagr

 Dagr (2024)

Director: Matthew Butler-Hart

Writers: Matthew Butler-Hart, Tori Butler-Hart

Stars: Riz Moritz, Ellie Duckles, Tori Butler-Hart

Where to Watch: (Amazon) VOD

Synopsis: Fame seeking YouTubers find themselves in a paranormal nightmare when the advert team they are stealing from awakens a murderous occultist from the past.

Thoughts: Found footage films are blowing up this month and there were four releases right in a row. I know many people have fatigue with the sub-genre but I am not one of them. Especially since many of them are now using the vehicle of Vloggers and Podcasters, both of which I find extremely entertaining. Dagr spends a good amount of its beginning getting to know the personalities of our two main characters as their YouTube audience follows them on a long road trip journey to their country destination for their latest heist. This portion of the film is either going to make or break your enjoyment because if you don’t like these two women, there’s literally nothing else going on to win your attention. I happened to find them very entertaining so I was pretty hooked from the start. The rest of the movie plays out very similarly to Hell House LLC Origins: The Carmichael Manor - weird shit starts to happen in a large country manor that has a history of death and disappearances. Strange chanting can be heard, hooded figures keep appearing, everyone is panicked and running around. No one leaves the house until it’s dark out and by then the ghosty occultists have shown up and they're screwed. I found this entire movie to be riveting. My only real complaint is that the reasoning behind the ghosty occultists are a bit vague (they’re Evil!) So while the peril our characters are facing is scary and real, we’re not really sure why they’re being targeted other than, wrong place, wrong time. I don’t think this movie is going to be for everyone and in fact it  doesn’t fare well with general audiences upon a quick googling glance. But I thought it was fun and memorable. 

3.5 out of 5 💀s

Review - Festival of the Living Dead

 Festival of the Living Dead (2024)

Director: Jen SoskaSylvia Soska

Writers: Miriam Lyapin, Helen Marsh

Stars: Ashley Moore, Andre Anthony, Camren Bicondova

Where to Watch: Tubi

Synopsis: While attending a festival to commemorate the original zombie attack, Ash and her friends encounter the living dead and must fight back or be devoured.

Thoughts: I’m pretty easy to please when it comes to zombie movies. Undead people lumbering after the living? Check. The living people hiding from the undead? Check. Lots of gross eating of flesh and shooting zombies in the head? Check. Then sprinkle in a dash of the Soska sisters at the helm and you’ve got a recipe for - eh. Wait, what went wrong? Oh yeah, teenagers. Let me backup a bit. So, this movie takes place in the universe of Night of the Living Dead. As in, the events in Night of the Living Dead happened in the past, the living overcame the event, and now it’s commemorated. So, cool concept or kinda hokey? I still can’t decide. But aside from some fun NotLD easter eggs hidden throughout the movie, it felt a little unnecessary to link the two. And then there’s the fact that our entire cast of characters are high school kids (and one actual kid) who make extra poor choices, are struggling to fit in, are succumbing to peer pressure, are growing apart and fighting, are being obnoxious partiers, are panicking extra hard in the face of danger, and are doing no favors for empowering women. And then there’s the zombies, who, because it’s at some kind of burning man type festival, everyone is dressed in a costume of sorts, and so the zombies aren’t simply undead people, but undead “clowns” and “angels” and “fairies” (oh my). And one of my weird pet peeves is costume-wearing zombies. Admittedly the least scary element of this zombie movie was the actual zombies, and instead I was horrified by the living. Not exactly what I thought I signed up for, and certainly a huge disappointment considering the directors.

2 out of 5 💀s

Review - Bag of Lies

 Bag of Lies (2024)

Director: David James

Writers: David Andrew James, Nick Laughlin, Joe Zappa

Stars: Judy McQueen Bauer, Brandi Botkin, Aja Nicole

Where to Watch: Shudder

Synopsis: Desperate to save his dying wife, Matt turns to The Bag, an ancient relic with dark magic. The cure demands a chilling ritual and strict rules. As his wife heals, Matt's sanity unravels, facing terrifying consequences.

Thoughts: Bag of Lies and Baghead were both released in the same week - two creatures in bags rule-based horror movies. Weird, right? The concept here was pretty interesting though and before I even set my eyes on it, my imagination went wild with the possibilities of a cool genie-creature in a bag gone wrong. But wow, was the execution super boring. You know those movies where you’re just really uncomfortable watching it because every element feels off? This was one of those movies for me. First off, the characters are extremely unlikable. It’s not even that they’re bad people (necessarily) but the acting is stilted and there’s zero chemistry and the dialogue is super generic so just watching the two main characters interact feels icky. Even the apartment lacked personality and felt like it was being staged for a magazine photo shoot. Anyways… story, story, story. Let me see. Ah yes, rules-based horror, dude knows all the rules, dude breaks all the rules, shit goes sideways. I mean, you light a candle and pour blood into a moving bag, you’re given like five rules, you immediately break one, and then you’re surprised when weird shit starts to happen? YOU POURED BLOOD INTO A BAG. THAT WAS MOVING. Honestly, my guy. So, another irritating element was that Bag of Lies pulled a Smile and for some of the time the scary villain is just a maniacal version of one of the characters. ::deep sigh:: okay. Lots of movies “borrow” from each other but it’s just so insulting when it’s done poorly.  Yeah. This movie was hot trash.

Also, the poster is essentially the Bad Hair poster but upside down.

2 out of 5 💀s

Review - Baghead

 Baghead (2024)

Director: Alberto Corredor 

Writers: Christina Pamies, Bryce McGuire, Lorcan Reilly

Stars: Freya Allan, Jeremy Irvine, Ruby Barker

Where to Watch: VOD

Synopsis: A young woman inherits a run-down pub and discovers a dark secret within its basement - Baghead - a shape-shifting creature that will let you speak to lost loved ones, but not without consequence.

Thoughts: With roughly twenty new release horror movies coming out every month, there's only ever a handful that I am genuinely excited to watch - and Baghead was one of them. Moody and atmospheric, with a pretty creepy basement creature, there’s a lot about this movie that was really enjoyable. The main actress, Freya Allan (apparently from The Witcher series), was an onscreen delight as both a young woman disassociating herself with common sense so that she can make some fast cash, and as someone who is trying to understand her abandonment as a child in order for her to heal. The rundown pub was a fresh setting and its giant cavernous basement with a black hole in the wall was very effective in giving off “don't go in there” vibes. 

But Baghead is another “rules based” horror movie - much like Talk to Me, Truth or Dare, It Follows, Smile etc. So there’s the obligatory research mode part of the storytelling where things get laid out pretty clearly for the audience, and then it’s just up to our characters to make poor choices and break the rules so that the horror can commence - game, set, match. There’s a certain amount of predictability in this formula that must be fought against in order to surprise its audience. Unfortunately for Baghead, the fight was weak and so predictability reigned, save for one thing - the ending. Midway in the movie we discover the origin story of the creature in the basement, and from that moment on I was genuinely rooting for Baghead. The ending was a nice little fist-bump to baddies everywhere who were made, not born, and so I say - those sonsofbitches had it coming.   

3 out of 5 💀s

Review - Immaculate

 Immaculate (2024)

Director: Michael Mohan
Writer: Andrew Lobel
Stars: Sydney Sweeney, Álvaro Morte, Simona Tabasco
Where to Watch: In Theaters

Synopsis: Cecilia, a woman of devout faith, is warmly welcomed to the picture-perfect Italian countryside where she is offered a new role at an illustrious convent. But it becomes clear to Cecilia that her new home harbors dark and horrifying secrets.

Thoughts: The very nature of a nun horror movie tends to start off being quiet, subdued, and introspective. All - Christ is my sugar daddy. My Boo. Hey, Boo. Look how good I am at worshiping you. Which  is all good. But to balance things out - it is a horror movie after all - there needs to be a fair amount of creepy, of dread, of menace sprinkled in. You know, feed us horror hounds crumb by crumb until the feast. But if I've been watching a movie for an hour and text my husband "This movie is so boring." on a bathroom break, you know things could be going better. That's not to say I didn't respect Immaculate's efforts. They got pretty creative for a minute. And there's some unsettling scenes that I applaud - especially the ending. Wow. You went there. Nice work! But a horror movie shouldn't just be about the payoff in the last act. I don't eat an entire crappy meal just for the last good bite. I want the whole damn thing to be tasty. Let every course be one to savor. To remember. To talk about later. I don't want to fall asleep in my soup. That said, religious horror is one of my favorite  horror sub-genres, and my brief Catholic upbringing is still held close to my decaying heart. So in the spirit of forgiveness, I will say, Immaculate wasn't for me. But it is a good movie. And you should watch it. Amen.

3 out of 5 💀s

Review - Late Night With The Devil

 Late Night With The Devil (2024)

Director: Cameron Cairnes, Colin Cairnes

Writer: Cameron Cairnes, Colin Cairnes

Stars: David Dastmalchian, Laura Gordon, Ian Bliss

Where to Watch: In Theaters (On Shudder in April)

Synopsis: A live television broadcast in 1977 goes horribly wrong, unleashing evil into the nation's living rooms.

Thoughts: It isn't often I walk away from a movie and say, "This would have been a perfect movie if only they changed this one thing". But I feel strongly about it. And it's a shame no one asked me. 

There's a lot crammed into this story. It begins as kind of a 60 Minutes news profile on late night host Jack Delroy, and his show's Halloween episode that shocked the nation. The movie is both found footage and a "broadcast" of that episode. There's some questionable logistics of how they filmed the behind the scenes footage for the "found footage" elements, especially when much of it was secret conversations between various people, but hey, movie magic I guess. But for the most part, it's just a riveting, entertaining movie, that holds itself to the ins and outs of shooting a tv show, and all the breaks they have to do for "a word from our sponsor". It makes the film feel like it's on a time crunch and the clock is always ticking and you've got 30 seconds and now we're back, hello, and now for our next guest. 

It's not a particularly scary movie. It's got a lot of scenes that are meant to unsettle us, and they work to a degree, but nothing outright scary happens until the climax of the movie. And let me tell you, that climax, it was pretty spectacular. I guess I wanted more of that, more of that sweet, sweet carnage candy. But while it may have been brief, it's certainly memorable. There's a lot of hinting at a certain plot point throughout the movie that I thought was subtle and done pretty well. The audience gets the point. We're smart like that. But then in the climax of the movie they really just lay it all out for us, showing us scene by scene, and what a disappointment. I'd rather a movie assume its audience is smart, rather than like children that need to be guiding by a held hand. It's really my only gripe. It goes from a shocking scene that we'd all been waiting for, to a series of exposition imagery that really took me out of the zone.

When all is said and done though - it was a completely original, entertaining movie that I will no doubt watch again and again.

4 out of 5 💀s

Review - You'll Never Find Me

 You'll Never Find Me (2024)

Director: Josiah Allen, Indianna Bell

Writer: Indianna Bell

Stars: Brendan Rock, Jordan Cowan

Where to Watch: Shudder

Synopsis: Patrick, a strange and lonely resident, lives in a mobile home at the back of an isolated trailer park. After a violent storm, a mysterious young woman appears at his door seeking shelter from the elements.

Thoughts: Every scene in this movie is a meticulous, measured movement, a calculated breath, and yet I never tired of the almost slow-motion nature of the film. While I think it wants to be more mysterious than it actually is, we all know who the villain is here. It is a disappointment in humanity. A terrible ugliness dominating beauty. The lonely finding meaning in small moments of connection. Of men, never seeing the person, and only the object. This is why we are here. But it does not define us.

The air in this film is made of tension. Patrick's deep, calm Australian accent is strong and hypnotic, like an Anglerfish, guiding us into a false sense of security. Every scene here is beautiful. Every light, every look, has a purpose. There is a scene in the middle of the movie where Patrick goes outside in the storm and he stands there facing the dark, the rain and wind screaming, fierce in front of him - it is a brilliant cinematic moment. 

The ending gets really weird. I feel like it's a trend with 2024 movies right now, these slow, gorgeous, layered artsy films that just end fucked up and weird as hell. You'll Never Find Me is such a film. Not as weird as many, but weird enough. It's definitely got some Wounded Fawn vibes but like, trailer park level. 

4 out of 5 💀 s

Review - Imaginary

 Imaginary (2024)

Director: Jeff Wadlow

Writer: Greg Erb, Jason Oremland, Jeff Wadlow

Stars: DeWanda Wise, Taegen Burns, Pyper Braun

Where to Watch: Theater

Synopsis: A woman returns to her childhood home to discover that the imaginary friend she left behind is very real and unhappy that she abandoned him.

Tagline:  Meet Chauncey. He's not imaginary, and he's not your friend.

Thoughts: So many thoughts. My first thought is, rather a statement actually, this is not a horror movie. I mean, if you're say, six years old, this might be a horror movie. But for any adult or teenager for that matter, this is solidly a kids movie. I'm not saying that in a snarky, "This wasn't scary enough for me!" way. I'm saying it because, this isn't scary enough for anybody. If you have children and you want to take them to a scary movie, this movie is for you. In fact, I'm not even sure why it's PG-13. Maybe there's a swear word? There was reference to drugs at one point. And a boy pees. I'm not sure how these ratings work. In fact, writer/director Jeff Wadlow cites 1982's Poltergeist as being an inspiration for this movie, and Poltergeist is rated PG and is ten times scarier than Imaginary. (I just remembered, one person does die off screen, maybe that's it.)

So, this teddy bear is "imaginary" but we the audience see him for almost the entire movie. There is a twist there later but, yes, the imaginary teddy bear is there. And his voice is that of the little girl whose friend he is. And they just go about their business, playing and trying to adjust to their new stepmom because og mom is mentally unstable? Sick? It's unclear. They don't talk about her even though she shows up once. Anyways, so the teddy bear, Chauncey, gets really big and scary sometimes, but that's really only reserved for the end of the movie and honestly, he looks ridiculous. They would have been better off using an actual live bear for the scary Chauncey, because real angry bears are terrifying. And angry Chauncey is ... jacked. And when the climax of the movie happens, dad, who is apparently a rock star? Has to leave and go on tour. Because we can't have a MAN around when shit goes down, because he'd like, fix everything right away and not let all the girls get in danger in the first place? It's a confusing plot point but I'm probably just overthinking it. The man is gone, we have to save ourselves. Oh shit. (moving on)

I mean, Jeff Wadlow does know how to make an actual horror movie. We can debate the merits of their quality, but in 2005 he wrote and directed Cry Wolf, in 2007, Prey. In 2018 was Truth or Dare. In 2020 was ::cough:: fantasy island. He's written and directed episodes for The Strain, and Bates Motel. So I know the dude can conjure up a kill and a scare. But I guess when you're making a movie for your six year old, you hold back...

I'm not exactly sure how Imaginary got marketed to adults. I feel a bit bamboozled. Like the evil Hollywood men are sitting in their fancy offices with their pencil mustaches tenting their hands together under their chins and going MWAHAHAHA. 

Yup, you got me. I've been got. You still made a shit movie, but I did see it so, the jokes on me.

2 out of 5 💀s

Review - Amelia's Children

 Amelia's Children (2024)

Director: Gabriel Abrantes

Writer: Gabriel Abrantes

Stars: Brigette Lundy-Paine, Carloto Cotta, Anabela Moreira

Where to Watch: VOD

Synopsis: Edward searches for biological family in Portugal. He finds a villa and reunites with his long-lost mother and twin. But their shared past holds a dark secret that will forever change his understanding of his identity and origins.

Tagline:  A mother's love never dies.

Thoughts: I've written three opening lines for this review so far and deleted all of them. It's obvious that I don't know where to start with this one. It's just. Well. Within minutes of watching this movie the main consensus was... what the hell is going on? And that feeling, that question, remains unanswered until the third act. The entirety of the movie was spent spouting theories - they're vampires! it's time-travel! he's possessed! she's possessed! Everything about this story was a mystery. Even the location was hard to pin down until someone said the word, Portugal. 

Actor Carloto Cotta plays twin brothers Edward and Manuel. And he does it so well, each one fully their own person, with different gestures, walks, styles, accents - I honestly thought they were actual twin brothers until IMDB proved otherwise. The performances are really impressive. And Anabela Moreira, who plays the older Amelia - oh good lord. The woman is creepy with a capital C. It's hard to look at her, her beaming unashamed confidence despite the monster she's become. Bravo to the whole cast. 

The movie starts off as a mystery and just keeps getting weirder the longer it plays. And it gets weeeeird. Like, so bizarre I couldn't have ever guessed what was actually happening until it was spelled out for me. Even then, after the movie was over, I rewound it to the start and watched the first ten minutes all over again. And the third act, when shit starts to really go down, there are some Ti West 'X' vibes that I was so, so happy about. Super proud of writer/director Gabriel Abrantes for getting really gross and making his audience uncomfortable and just going there. I'm here for it. Always. Give me some nasty taboo shit in my horror. Make me squeal, Noooooo! I love it. And I loved this movie. What an unexpected treat.

4 out of 5 💀 s

Review - The Piper

 The Piper (2024)

Director: Erlingur Thoroddsen

Writer: Erlingur Thoroddsen

Stars: Charlotte Hope, Julian Sands, Alexis Rodney

Where to Watch: VOD

Synopsis: When a composer is tasked with finishing her late mentor's concerto, she soon discovers that playing the music summons deadly consequences, leading her to uncover the disturbing origins of the melody and an evil that has awakened.

Tagline: A Deadly Tune

Thoughts: I'm not really into music horror, neither in books nor in film. Usually the story revolves around Metal or Rock and for some reason "the devil" is always involved. I guess it's a crossroads trope that has been regurgitated in one form or another for as long as storytelling has existed. But The Piper leans more into the folklore than into the "evil music", which is classical, and more haunting than the usual fare. I'm unfamiliar with the piper folklore, but it was scary in that familiar way, like The Brothers Grimm, stealing children because the adults are terrible people and must pay for being such. And the monster is the scariest kind, not obvious and in your face but instead made of shadows and fiery light with no voice but a simple focused purpose of destruction and revenge. 

One of the biggest complaints I have about the film is that the main child, Zoe, is supposed to be hearing impaired, and yet they used an actress that was not. The actress that played Zoe, Aoibhe O'Flanagan, played the role well, but I can't help but wonder if they couldn't have employed a child who really did wear a hearing aid and who really did know how to read music through vibrations. More and more filmmakers make an effort to fill roles using actors that are authentic to the culture/race/gender/sexual orientation, etc. portrayed in their film. But I so often don't see the same effort when it comes to impaired or disabled roles. ::stepping off the soapbox::

Bottom line is, if you're looking for a moody folklore horror with some cool atmosphere, this one will do quite well.

3 out of 5 💀s

Review - Stopmotion

 Stopmotion (2024)

Director: Robert Morgan
Writer: Robin King, Robert Morgan
Stars: Aisling FranciosiStella Gonet
Where to Watch: VOD (on Shudder in April)

Synopsis: A stop-motion animator struggles to control her demons after the loss of her overbearing mother.

Tagline: Bring Your Nightmares To Life

Thoughts: I'm not super versed in stop motion live action films. I've seen a handful of Harryhausen movies, and Mad God when it was finally released a few years ago. But this, this was something. A  bizarre, brilliant, original film full of metaphor and allegory. With themes  of trauma, loss, creativity, and (horrible) self discovery, there's a lot of unpacking to be done here. But among all of that is a captivating, gross, suspenseful, and creative story, trying to make its way in the world. And make its way it does - kicking and screaming and oozing blood and slime.

This is the kind of movie that, if you don't watch it sober and alert, you're going to miss a lot. I did this film the disservice of watching it as my second viewing, a little late at night, and a bit buzzed on wine and smoke. By the time the credits were rolling I was like - what? What the hell just happened? The next morning I rewatched the last thirty minutes while drinking my coffee. It cleared up (almost) nothing.

There is not a time in this film that it is not unsettling. Many horror movies start out bright and normal and it's not until forty minutes in that we see the normalcy devolve into horror. But in Stopmotion, the world that our main character lives in from the very beginning, is a bleak one. And it just keeps getting darker, and darker, until it swallows her whole. And us along with her.

5 out of 5 💀s

Review - The Seeding

 The Seeding (2024)

Director: Clay Barbaby
Writer: Clay Barnaby
Stars: Scott Haze, Kate Lyn Sheil
Where to Watch: VOD

Synopsis: A man finds himself trapped in a desert canyon with a woman living off-grid who is captive to a pack of sadistic boys.

Thoughts: As a horror movie aficionado I subject myself to all kinds of horrific scenarios. I think part of the fun is determining what I would do if I was in the situation that these poor, unlucky folks are that I'm watching on screen. Being stalked by a killer? Kill him first! Being haunted in a house? Burn that house down! I kid, but you know exactly what I mean. We all do it. We sit in our safe homes and yell at the tv, instructing those unsuspecting victims exactly what we think they should do to survive. 

But watching this movie? I had nothing. This guy is stuck at the bottom of a giant canyon with a woman living in a shack house.  He was led there by design. And he is kept there  by a dozen or so feral boys. It was a very unsettling watch, me feeling as trapped as the man whose life as he knew it was just taken away from him, with no hopes of escape. But I kept rooting for him. Build a ladder! Make some climbing shoes! Find a cave! But sometimes fucked it just fucked.

The whole movie is essentially a two-person show in one location. It would make a really compelling, stage play, you know, for twisted people like me. I do love plays but not many of them are created for the horror-loving audience. 

The "twist" is revealed in the second act but it's not much of a twist. It's a movie that we've all seen a dozen times but we just haven't seen it done this way. The third act imagery is just fantastic. It really goes from quiet and unsettling to full on fucked. And the last shot of the film - *chef's kiss*. 

4 out of 5  💀s

Review - Frogman

Frogman  (2024)

Director: Anthony Cousins
Writer: Anthony Cousins, John Karsko
Stars: Nathan Tymoshuk, Benny Barrett, Ali Daniels
Genre: Horror, Creature Feature, Mockumentary
How to Watch: VOD

Synopsis: Three friends in search of the Loveland Frogman find out that he is more than just a local legend.

Thoughts: This mockumentary screened at our very own 28th Annual H. P. Lovecraft Film Festival at the Hollywood Theatre last October. The buzz was loud and positive and I’d been looking forward to its arrival on VOD for months. And it’s not that the hype wasn’t warranted. The last thirty plus minutes are bonkers and gross and completely original. I just wish it wasn’t an absolute  slog getting there. With most mockumentary horror you encounter a fair amount of moments “secretly” caught on camera, and those moments reveal drama between characters in the form of serious conversations and/or fights. It’s a feature practically baked into the mockumentary subgenre. And while I enjoy the character development, it has to be done right in order for it to stay as riveting as the rest of the film. Unfortunately the execution here is fraught with long pauses, lingering stares, and uninspired conversations. Not to mention that the actress, while completely cute and charming, overacts her ass off and can’t stop touching her hair. I admit, I almost turned it off thirty minutes in, but instead I just got another beer and buckled down and it turns out, I’m extremely glad I did. While the beginning and the ending feel almost disjointed in tone, it still turns out to be one super weird creature feature. The lack of tension and suspense getting to that crazy climax, however, is almost enough to squash this one dead, but if you have the patience, the payoff is unforgettable.

3 out of 5 💀s

Review - Night Shift

NIGHT SHIFT   (2024)

Director: Benjamin China, Paul China
Writer: Benjamin China, Paul China
Stars: Phoebe Tonkin, Patrick Fischler, Madison Hu Genre: Horror, Slasher, Psychological
How to Watch: VOD

Synopsis: While working her first night shift at a remote motel, a woman begins to suspect that the property is haunted.

Thoughts: So many delightful tropes are presented in one tight little 80 minute movie - a night shift; trapped in a motel; killer on the loose - and I do love the tropes. Our main character, Gwen, seems to know she’s in a horror movie right from the start. She’s spooked by every shadow and noise and is suspicious of all the guests, and lack thereof. It’s perhaps because of this that the movie is dripping with tension even if it doesn’t deserve to be, yet. But after the ghostly apparitions, the creepy car, the impossibly ringing phone, we get there, to that paranoid screw this I’m out of here moment. I hate to say that I called the ending in the first twenty minutes but I guess I’ve just seen too many movies and not every movie is an original idea. Despite this, the journey was super fun. I second guessed myself on multiple occasions and I didn’t stop waiting for the final girl to earn her title.  Night Shift isn’t exactly fresh. But it's a tasty junk food option at the end of a long day.

3 out of 5 💀s

Review - Here For The Blood

HERE FOR THE BLOOD  (2024)

Director: Daniel Turres
Writer: James Roberts
Stars: Shawn Roberts, Maya Misaljevic, Joelle Farrow
Genre: Horror, Comedy
How to Watch: Screambox

Synopsis: A peaceful evening becomes bloody violent chaos. Masked intruders descend on Tom and Grace's home. The couple fights for their lives.

Thoughts: This splatter horror comedy is what horror movie nights with your friends were made for. A low budget direct-to-video throwback that pours all of its heart and soul into the gore, the practical effects, the humor, and the batshit craziness of the story. A pro-wrestling babysitter must use all of his sick-ass wrestling moves to defeat some unkillable crazy cult dudes with creepy-ass masks. There’s tons of odes to classic horror films sprinkled throughout, buckets  of spurting blood, reanimated corpses, a talking head (FEED ME), and a scary evil dimension in a cool metal box populated with powerful gods. But what really shines here are the actors, who take this film as seriously as we want them to, and because of that, we root for them the whole way. Move this film to the very top of your watch list and get ready for a ridiculously good time.

5 out of 5 💀s

Review - Departing Seniors

 Departing Seniors (2024)

Director: Clare Cooney
Writer: Jose Nateras
Stars: Ignacio Diaz-Silverio, Yani Gellman, Ireon Roach
Where to Watch: VOD

Synopsis: Following an act of bullying, witty high school senior Javier develops psychic abilities which he must use to stop a mysterious serial killer targeting his classmates.

Thoughts: Based on the trailer alone, I didn't have terribly high hopes for this high school slasher, which is great news because that meant that my expectations didn't have far to fall. Here's the deal - I really liked these characters. A gay Mexican-American boy with razor-sharp wit and his insightful, brave black girl bff, fighting off bullies and catching a serial killer? Hell yeah. Actors Ignacio Diaz-Silverio and Ireon Roach bring charisma and heart to these characters, which is honestly the only reason to stick around these 90 minutes. Otherwise, the kills are weak and few, and the mystery of who the killer is really isn't a mystery at all if you've seen any slasher movie, ever. The added element of newly obtained psychic abilities after suffering from a fall, feels unnecessary and clunky. I can see this movie working under different circumstances. Up the kills, up the gore, get creative and give us an unexpected killer. There's plenty of slashers making a name for themselves these days, this just won't be one of them.

2.5 out of 5 💀s

Review - Lovely, Dark, and Deep

 Lovely, Dark, and Deep (2024)

Director: Teresa Sutherland
Writer: Teresa Sutherland
Stars: Georgina Campbell, Nick Blood, Wai Ching Ho
How to Watch: VOD

Synopsis: Lennon, a new back-country ranger, travels alone through the dangerous wilderness, hoping to uncover the origins of a tragedy that has haunted her since she was a child.

Thoughts: The woods are a terrifying place. And I grew up surrounded by them - living in a large, (slightly haunted?) house in the middle of the woods in the 1980s. My childhood was spent camping in the woods, walking in the woods, playing hide & seek in the woods at night. And despite the woods being a constant presence in my life, I've always had a respectful fear of them. Of the secrets they keep. Of the power of nature. Of knowing that, regardless of having a native american heritage, that the woods aren't a place where people belong. And I still believe that now, as an adult, more than ever.

Writer/Director Teresa Sutherland (writer of the 2018 historical horror film, The Wind, which I loved) creates a psychological nightmare using the woods as a place *not* to get lost in. Our main character, actress Georgina Campbell, who has become somewhat of a scream queen as of late, starring in Barbarian, Bird Box: Barcelona, and this year's T.I.M. (a Megan ripoff?), delivers a bit of a subdued performance as a park ranger who gets lost and stumbles into a super trippy alternate world (? unclear), full of body horror and ghosts and hallucinations of her past. 

This ultra slow-burn of a film was a very compelling watch. The cinematography is gorgeous. The shots of the woods aren't gloomy and creepy but instead bright and welcoming and beautiful.  But even with the beauty you can feel the claustrophobia of being so small within the endless expanse of the outdoors. Much like viewing a scuba diver in the immensity of the ocean. And the auditory element! Lots of crunching leaves and birds and wind. Which are all used in the normal space of being in nature, until it's then used against your senses and then the nature noises become unsettling and malicious. You can feel the "other shoe" hovering above your head, waiting for it to drop and clobber you. And clobber it does. The film takes an unexpected turn into the weird, into the really fucking weird, and while I was absolutely there for it, I didn't know what the hell was going on. Doing a deep dive Google of the movie, it looks like no one who has watched this movie had any clue what it was about, which makes me feel somewhat better. So this review will end much like the one I wrote for Monolith - was it aliens? was is The Woods? Was it an alternate dimension? I have my theories but they feel about as solid as quicksand. But ultimately this was an interesting watch full of looming dread, and once the weird wraps up, it's got a satisfying though open-ended conclusion that I thought was clever and kind of brave.

3 out of 5 💀s

Review - Stranger in the Woods

 Stranger in the Woods (2024)

Director: Adam Newacheck

Writer: Holly Kenney

Stars: Holly Kenney, Brendin Brown, Paris Nicole

How to Watch: VOD

Synopsis: Stranger in the Woods follows Olivia and her friends as they go on a vacation. After Olivia nearly drowns with a slit wrist in her bathtub after her fiancé's funeral, her friends suspect that she tried to kill herself, but she believes someone attacked her.

Thoughts: Remember those early 00's horror movies that felt like they still had one foot in the '90s and the other foot in what they thought was a new idea? Well, this is that movie but twenty years later. This makes for a somewhat nostalgic-feeling movie that plays out exactly like you thought it would.

Holly Kenney wrote and starred in her own horror movie. Which is awesome. What a dream! But the problem is she's not the greatest actress. This low-budget, grungy little thriller, and I'm going to call it a thriller, could have benefited from some serious talent as the main actress. Holly is good enough. She is. But she looks like she was snagged from the mall as a thirty-something ex-goth girl who hasn't moved on with her life. The story is extremely basic and the twist ending is one that you can see coming from the start. The most menacing thing about this movie is the cover art. Only a couple people die in this and not in a particularly interesting way. If this were the '90s, this would have gone straight to being a midnight movie on basic cable and wouldn't have seen VHS light of day maybe ever.

Was it a fun movie? Not particularly. And it wasn't even bad in that unwatchable way that tends to happen with contemporary low-budget films. It was fine. A passable excuse for a movie attempting to be horror but missing its mark and instead being a basic thriller warning us about male toxicity. Thanks, we got the memo a few decades ago. 

2 out of 5 💀  s

Review: Monolith

 Monolith (2024)

Director: Matt Vesely

Writer: Lucy Campbell

Stars: Lily Sullivan, Ling Cooper, TangAnsuya Nathan

How to Watch: VOD

Synopsis: A headstrong journalist whose investigative podcast uncovers a strange artifact, an alien conspiracy, and the lies at the heart of her own story.

Thoughts: Lily Sullivan carries this monolithic Australian sci-fi thriller on her lone shoulders as a one-woman show. You may remember her from last year's Evil Dead: Rise as the badass sister, Beth, who battles the dead and saves who she can. Her role here is the complete opposite of the horror movie action hero she portrayed then, but it's no less compelling, as almost the entire movie is just her velvety, slightly gravely voice and close-ups of her talking into a microphone. Trust me, it's riveting. It's a podcast movie about an other-worldly black brick that shows up in people's lives and impacts them in various ways. Our main character is interviewing people who have had these bricks, and trying to unravel the mystery behind them for her new podcast job, Beyond Believable. 

Director Matt Vesely shoots the entire film in sort of a crisp achromatic gloom that matches the misty countryside that the clean-lined sprawling estate is surrounded by. The whole film feels like some ASMR experiment that tickles not only your ears, but your eyes as well. 

The movie creates many paths that it never actually goes down. It touches on government conspiracies, aliens, word-of-mouth illnesses, pandemics creating global mental illness, and more. You could say that the movie doesn't have focus but I saw it more that when you're investigating a mystery, you're going to have a lot of wild theories until it all unravels into that one truth. 

I'm not going to lie, as the third act begins its climb into the climatic ending, I kind of lost the thread a bit. The ending is something to behold and while there is no clear mapping of how we got there, it's a delight to theorize about. Is it an allegory for secrets? Lies? Mental Illness? Or is it all just aliens? I think it's up to us to decide what that black brick means, I've drawn my own conclusions. Give it a watch and tell me yours.   

3 out of 5 💀s

2023 Best Horror of the Year

 2023 was a good year. It was a busy year - both professionally and personally. But somehow I managed to fit in 115 new horror movies. And yet, it never seems like enough. There are still movies I missed - though mostly those little indie movies released toward the end of the year, like Raging Grace, Loop Track, and Everyone Will Burn. I still haven't seen The Nun 2. Or Satanic Hispanics. And a dozen more, that were never checked off my list. Aside from a very poor run in October, this year was an incredibly solid year for horror - both with the mainstream offerings and the indie gems. The year kicked off with Skinamarink and The Outwaters, and I thought, oh hell - people got weird in 2020 and this year is going to be one for experimental horror. Which isn't a complaint but something to brace for. And while I *appreciated* Skinamarink, I despised The Outwaters. The only other film that may fit into that experimental category would be Enys Men. A strange but pleasant movie with a bizarre ending. Out of the 115 new movies watched this year, I liked all but 25 of them. One could say I'm not a very picky movie-goer but I would say that I'm a very forgiving viewer. I rate a movie based on the experience I had while watching it - and not because it was "good" or "bad". Of which there are many, but that's not my rating system. So, let's cut the chitchat and get on with the show. In loose viewing order from oldest to newest -

Sick

Though a little late to the game as far as Covid pandemic movies are concerned, despite its tired topic, it turned out to be a fun slasher anyways. Call me a softy for a masked killer chasing people around with giant kitchen knives, but in a world dominated by supernatural horror, this really hit the spot. It was also directed by John Hyams, a director that made one of my favorite horror films of 2020, Alone, and written by none other than Kevin Williamson - the father of the Scream franchise.

Unwelcome

Set in Ireland this gory, gruesome little number is a fresh take on the "red cap" goblin folklore. The movie plays with themes of who the real villains are here, humans or these devilish goblins, and I daresay the answer is both. 

Megan

I'm still not sure if I genuinely love M3gan or simply find its ridiculousness to be irresistible. I guess both can be true. Regardless I've watched it twice now and both times I found myself still having loads of fun, which frankly is the highest quality in which I measure how a horror film ranks with me.  

Baby Ruby

An allegorical horror movie about postpartum depression that uses paranoia and gaslighting as devices to tell a rather effective, sinister tale of a woman who quickly loses her grip on what is real and what is not, after the birth of her child. I'm still unsure about the weird twist of an ending but I do know that this movie had me on the edge of my seat the entire time.

The Pope's Exorcist

My interest in this was so low that I literally turned off its trailer a minute in and declared, "nope. looks terrible." And I would have gone without seeing it too, if not for a friend's interest and proactive rental. So I sat there, mildly judging Russell Crowe's Italian accent, until something strange happened. I started enjoying it. And in fact, the movie kept subverting my expectations turn after turn, right up until the batshit crazy ending that I definitely did not see coming. The conclusion? Hell yeah, that shit was awesome. 

Fear

As previously stated, I measure a horror movie by how much fun I had watching it. Elevated horror is great, and I definitely can get behind all those fancy pants "great" horror movies. But sometimes love is in the eyes of the beholder, which brings us to Fear. Not a great horror movie, but a fun one. And it checked a lot of boxes for me. Vacation horror. Isolated horror. Hotel horror. Burial ground horror. Pandemic horror. Not to mention its predominately black cast, which is still a rarity in the horror genre and like everything else, support the things you want to see more of in this world.

The Blackening

Speaking of all black casts. Damn, I loved this movie. I'm not one for the "Scary Movie" kind of horror comedy, so I was a little dubious going in. But thankfully the tongue-in-cheek style humor is at a minimum, or at least done with enough elegance that I wasn't eye-rolling. Instead I felt like it was more just a straight up horror comedy with some really effective scary killers and a creepy "play the game or die" element. I kind of saw the end coming, which I don't hold against it, but I saw all those '80s whodunit slashers too and yeah, no shocker there. Consider the journey and not the destination. Can't wait for this one to be streaming for a rewatch. 

Clock

This is a devastating horror movie with a heavy social commentary and hot damn was it excellent. The tension runs high the entire time and while I was waiting with bated breath for the other shoe to drop, when it did I was not expecting it to be what it was. There's some disturbing imagery in this that will haunt me for a long while. Not sure if this will hit as hard with male audiences as it will with women, but I will be recommending this one to everyone.

Scream VI

Full disclosure, I seriously disliked 2022's Scream requel. I am a huge fan of the franchise, it is in fact my favorite franchise, and when I saw '22's Scream in the theater I was like, what the fuck is this. They killed the essence of the franchise. Where's the humor? Why is it so dark and violent and the legacy cast is barely in it. And then I watched it again and disliked it a little less. And then I went to the theater to see Scream VI and omg, standing ovation in my heart. They stopped having one foot in the old franchise and one in the new and instead fully committed to this new Scream vision. Taking it out of Woodsboro, not having Sidney Prescott appear, being super stabby with a whole lot of red herrings and gruesome death scenes, and creating a mildly psychologically imbalanced "star", setting her up to be a possible future killer, yeah they really leaned into the new era of the franchise. And I am here for it.

Evil Dead Rise 

Okay, the trailer alone had me. And I'm a huge fan of the 2013 reboot. But holy shit. I did not see this coming. Ya'll it was SO AWESOME. Gritty, horrific, heart crushing, bloody, legitimately scary. Dare I say, shocking. Yes. I want my horror movies so hardcore that I literally have to peak through my fingers to watch it. (though admittedly Terrifier 2 was a bridge too far in some scenes) Evil Dead Rise, cinematically, is gorgeous. The characters are quirky and feel real. The apartment building feels like yet another monster to survive. That elevator scene!!! Beat after beat, this movie is perfection.

Bad Girl Boogey

An indie gem that is as creative as it is poignant. Director/Writer Alice Maio Mackay combines a gory slasher movie with a film about trauma and coping, and an allegory about how abuse and violence become a part of us, easily passed on if it's not stopped. The music is fantastic, the characters feel like real people, and I loved how queer this movie is without it having to talk about how queer it is.

The Breach

A smooth low budget creep-fest of Lovecraftian proportions, this Nick Cutter adaptation (author of The Troop, The Deep, and Little Heaven) is directed by Rodrigo Gudino, founder of Rue Morgue magazine and writer/director of The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh! It's weird, gross, and has some big ideas for such a little indie horror flick. The acting is super solid and elevates this film into something memorable and impressive. And the makeup effects for the body horror conclusion are just, a+ disgusting.

Dark Harvest

Based on the 2006 novel by Norman Partridge, and directed by David Slade - most known for Hard Candy, and 30 Days of Night. I went in blind to this one and was surprised by an intriguing small town mystery with interesting characters, a solid script, surprising gore, and an unpredictable ending. There wasn't a moment of this film that I didn't enjoy. 

No One Will Save You

An incredibly unique, stylish, small town alien invasion movie turns clever survivalist horror, turns... really fucking weird. The 'little grey men' are both terrifying in action and a little silly in looks, but it equals effective thrills, as the brilliantly compelling lead, actress Kaitlyn Dever, gives this performance her all. Also, there is no dialogue in this movie. None. The ending was extremely peculiar and didn't seem to fit the vibe of the movie, but I give it props for being unpredictable!

Deliver Us

An ambitious, gorgeous movie that is riveting and thrilling and at times, very very bloody. There's layers upon layers without getting too tangled within itself, it simply works on every level like a jigsaw puzzle, fitting perfectly, revealing all. I look forward to rewatching this and getting all the small details that I may have missed the first time around.

The Boogeyman

I'm always super down for a Stephen King story horror movie, but for some reason I was in no hurry to watch this one. Perhaps it was because the 2005 adaptation of the same name was so incredibly terrible, that its rotten legacy tainted this one. So when I finally got around to seeing it on its last weekend in the theater, I went in blind, expecting a boring supernatural slow burn. Boy, was I wrong. Boogeyman is a riveting creature feature that does not let up. It's got its fair share of quiet dread, sure. But then it wallops you with that long dark hallway that you just know holds the horrible body of a creature that is going to tear you apart.

Megalomaniac

Damn, Belgium. Putting the "horror" back in horror movie. It's a pretty brutal watch but holy hell was it good. A very bizarre, violent, unsettling movie about, essentially, a family of serial killers. The entire cast of actors are just phenomenal. Portraying unhinged mental illness and the capacity for familial normalcy in one flawless motion. The ending is wild and jaw-dropping and strange and I literally wanted to give this a standing ovation when it was over but was frozen in shock. This movie is NOT for the faint of heart. You've been warned.

Totally Killer

An extremely fun '80s time travel slasher whodunnit! I was worried this wasn't going to be horror enough for me but I was pleasantly surprised on just how "slasher" this ended up being. Throw in a cast of delightful characters, hilarious '80s vs '23 social commentary, and lots of clever dialogue - this movie was a super good time. Will be ranked up there with Happy Death Day for a comedy slasher mystery and added to my cozy horror watch list!

When Evil Lurks

This buzz-heavy movie finally dropped to Shudder after months of anticipation and holy hell. What a film! I loved how the reality of "the rotten" is just dropped into our laps without any preamble. This demonic world is fully formed and we're just asked to catch up to it. Fantastically written and acted and shot. There are some serious jaw dropping moments throughout, and bravo Argentina, for really going there with the kid thing. You've got big swinging balls, I see them, and I respect them. Demián Rugna, the writer/director, also did the 2017 movie Terrified, which was also a phenomenal film, and has another movie he participated in - an anthology called Satanic Hispanics - which I have yet to see but am excited for!

Talk to Me

While I'd known about this movie and its hype for a very long time, I'd managed to avoid a trailer and even a synopsis for Talk to Me. I knew I'd see it. Something inside just decided not to spoil any of it. And holy hell, I'm glad I did because this movie knocked me on my ass. It's not your average polished mainstream jump scare horror movie. It watches like a small cut you couldn't keep from picking at and now it's raw and oozing and inflamed and infected and, yup, you're going to lose that leg. As my husband said, it's a perfect example of, "fuck around and find out". At every turn this movie was surprising in both its creativity and its brutality. It's dark, and sad, and fucked up, and the ending is perfection.

Thanksgiving

Historically Eli Roth is hit or miss for me - love Cabin Fever / hate Hostel. And while I was excited for Thanksgiving because it's a holiday slasher, I was wary because it's Eli Roth. Well. Turns out. It's an easy favorite of the year. I mean, really, you do a smart, gory slasher I'm going to fall in love pretty easily so no real surprise there. But, it's got, SO MANY VIBES. Scream vibes, I Know What You Did Last Summer vibes, Happy Birthday to Me vibes, hell, even Final Destination vibes. It's just horror homage on top of horror homage and I'm here for it. Lots of fucked up kills and gross gore and a "surprising" / not surprising killer. Thanksgiving is sorely underrepresented as a horror movie holiday and I'm super stoked to have such an excellent one get in line to become a staple of the year.

Hell House LLC Origins: The Carmichael Manor

Finally. A worthy follow-up to the original Hell House LLC. A movie that I hated upon first watch, but subsequent watches, while alone, in the dark, converted me into a big fan. I've seen all of the Hell House movies and they've all paled in comparison to the original. And while Carmichael Manor doesn't quite live up to the original, it makes a valiant effort. I think the real downfall here is the hysterical nature of the characters when faced with the unexplainable. Here they are investigating true crime and reports of the supernatural and when shit goes sideways they are just a jumble of nerves and squealing and irrational decision making. ASIDE FROM THAT. Which isn't insignificant. This Hell House manages to be creepy and unnerving and furthers the lore of the Tully, Carmichael, and Abandon story. I look forward to more installments in this ambitious franchise that refuses to go quietly into the night.

The Conference

This fun Swedish slasher had a lot of ridiculous characters and great gore. I didn't really care about the "plot" of a big development company building a mall on stolen land, which of course leads to revenge revenge revenge! But sometimes you just want some splatter and murder death kills and this was a satisfying fix. A large cast equals a high body count! Let the bodies hit the floor.

Do Not Disturb

A sexy, blood-soaked, drug-fueled, marriage counseling retreat of free'd inhibitions and primal actions. It's low-budget but with performances so nuanced it feels like you've fallen right into the fucked up mix of this couple's nightmarish vacation. All of the petty, nagging, sniping arguments of a couple who has been together forever and kind of hates each other while still loving each other, is done so authentically it's cringe. So when shit turns sideways and they bond over some really fucked up shit, it's completely believable and actually scary. The allegory of toxicity being all-consuming is prevalent, and one begins to wonder, is this how insanity is born? And sometimes when you've gone too far, there's no going back. And in those times, thank god for that.

There's Something in the Barn

While not as completely apocalyptic as 2015's Krampus, There's Something In the Barn shares many qualities with the now Christmas classic - prickly family dynamics, holiday celebration, ancient mythology built on rules, a fight for survival, weird creatures, and dark humor - which I suppose also applies to Gremlins as well. It was fun, funny, and super bloody when it came time. I'll be adding this one to my annual December watches.

These 25 films were standouts of the year but there are so many not mentioned here that are absolutely worth a watch. Like Killer Book Club, Influencer, Bad Things, All Fun and Games, The Pale Blue Eye, and so many more. Check out my complete 2023 watch list on Letterboxd! And now on to 2024! I'm not sure that I can beat last year's number of 115 new movies watched, but I will at least try to meet that number again this year. Check out the website Upcoming Horror Movies, to stay on top of new releases. And follow my horror movie Instagram dollfaceinthedark to read all of my movie reviews as they happen! And of course you can check back to this site for more blog posts. Historically they are infrequent but like I say every year, I'm hoping to change that in the new year! So fire up your TV, pop some corn, and snuggle in for a night of frights. And don't forget, to watch your horror movies in the dark!

love, doll